And yes, that's a tub of Aquaphor you see on the ground for B's eczema ;-)
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Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Favorite sweater of the moment
Let's take a break from the serious stuff and talk fashion, shall we? My current favorite sweater in my rotation is this UNIF Stash sweater that I got from Nasty Gal. I love the shredded detail and oversized fit. I'm wearing it here with my Genetic Shya skinny jeans and H by Hudson Encke boots, which are pretty much the most comfortable boots I've ever owned.
And yes, that's a tub of Aquaphor you see on the ground for B's eczema ;-)
And yes, that's a tub of Aquaphor you see on the ground for B's eczema ;-)
Frustrated with his toys
Lately, B has gotten really frustrated with a few of his toys. I think he's teething because he's drooling up a storm and shoving every single thing he can get his hands on into his mouth. For the past few days, he'll try and put a toy in his mouth and seems to get frustrated when things aren't going his way. He begins by yelling, then examining the toy, putting it back in his mouth, and yelling again. He repeats this process and it almost always ends in a meltdown cry and baby tears streaming down his face.
Today was no exception. I had him in his Joovy Spoon and laid out a few wooden blocks for him to play with. At first, he happily banged the Joovy tray with his blocks. But then he started chewing on the blocks and it seemed to frustrate him that he couldn't fit the corner completely in his mouth. Or maybe his gums didn't feel good chewing on them? I don't know. He started to have a mini meltdown and before I knew it, he was full on crying. Very upset.
The old me would have froze, and then gotten worried or anxious or annoyed. But a big lesson I have learned is that your energy is so important. Babies pick up on your energy, so when you're anxious they become anxious. When you're upset, they become scared.
Breathe, I told myself. It's all good.
As B was melting down, I looked into his eyes and said, "It's ok darling. I know you're frustrated right now and it's okay to feel frustrated. And you're crying because you're frustrated and that's ok too. Go ahead, I'm here for you." He continued to melt down so I calmly and gently scooped him up from his Joovy and just held him infront of me, looking at his tear-stained face.
"B...what's wrong?" I asked.
More crying.
"Let's go into the kitchen," I said with a smile. I placed him sitting on the kitchen counter and wiped his cheek. Out broke a smile. Our dog walked by and B looked down at him, then started to giggle. And just like that...his little meltdown was gone.
I know this is going to be the first of many. And I know this is probably NOTHING compared to what's in store for me. But it was a good way for me to practice being calm, and radiating positive energy that my son would pick up on.
Something I learned in EFT is that it is so important for us to process our emotions. When you're sad, feel sad! Cry! Yell! It's perfectly ok and healthy to do that. Because when we're not allowed to process our emotions, they pile up and turn into something worse. Unprocessed sadness turns into depression. Unprocessed love turns into obsession.
And since we should process our emotions, our kids should be able to as well. That's why I didn't tell B to stop crying, I didn't shush him, I didn't offer him the pacifier, and I didn't say "It's ok. You're fine." Instead I acknowledged how he was feeling and what he was doing, and encouraged him to do so. Even though B is only six months old, I know he understands me. Trust me, it's not easy to remain calm when your kid is bawling his eyeballs out at the top of his lungs. But you can either snap and get annoyed, or breathe and flow with it. And from my personal experience, it is far more taxing to get worked up and annoyed.
I'm practicing this everyday and trying my best. We can't control everything in life, but we can control our attitude and how we approach situations.
Today was no exception. I had him in his Joovy Spoon and laid out a few wooden blocks for him to play with. At first, he happily banged the Joovy tray with his blocks. But then he started chewing on the blocks and it seemed to frustrate him that he couldn't fit the corner completely in his mouth. Or maybe his gums didn't feel good chewing on them? I don't know. He started to have a mini meltdown and before I knew it, he was full on crying. Very upset.
The old me would have froze, and then gotten worried or anxious or annoyed. But a big lesson I have learned is that your energy is so important. Babies pick up on your energy, so when you're anxious they become anxious. When you're upset, they become scared.
Breathe, I told myself. It's all good.
As B was melting down, I looked into his eyes and said, "It's ok darling. I know you're frustrated right now and it's okay to feel frustrated. And you're crying because you're frustrated and that's ok too. Go ahead, I'm here for you." He continued to melt down so I calmly and gently scooped him up from his Joovy and just held him infront of me, looking at his tear-stained face.
"B...what's wrong?" I asked.
More crying.
"Let's go into the kitchen," I said with a smile. I placed him sitting on the kitchen counter and wiped his cheek. Out broke a smile. Our dog walked by and B looked down at him, then started to giggle. And just like that...his little meltdown was gone.
I know this is going to be the first of many. And I know this is probably NOTHING compared to what's in store for me. But it was a good way for me to practice being calm, and radiating positive energy that my son would pick up on.
Something I learned in EFT is that it is so important for us to process our emotions. When you're sad, feel sad! Cry! Yell! It's perfectly ok and healthy to do that. Because when we're not allowed to process our emotions, they pile up and turn into something worse. Unprocessed sadness turns into depression. Unprocessed love turns into obsession.
And since we should process our emotions, our kids should be able to as well. That's why I didn't tell B to stop crying, I didn't shush him, I didn't offer him the pacifier, and I didn't say "It's ok. You're fine." Instead I acknowledged how he was feeling and what he was doing, and encouraged him to do so. Even though B is only six months old, I know he understands me. Trust me, it's not easy to remain calm when your kid is bawling his eyeballs out at the top of his lungs. But you can either snap and get annoyed, or breathe and flow with it. And from my personal experience, it is far more taxing to get worked up and annoyed.
I'm practicing this everyday and trying my best. We can't control everything in life, but we can control our attitude and how we approach situations.
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Distracted Eater
Ever since B was born he was a big eater. He'd polish off his bottles in under 10 minutes flat. He'd chug every ounce and ask for more. Needless to say, he's in the top percentiles for height and weight. I had gotten so used to my champion eater until he turned 4 months old, and the world around him was so much more interesting than the food in front of him. At first, I assumed it was just a short phase. But the "phase" lasted for days, then weeks, and more. And now at 6 months, getting him to drink his milk is turning into a frustrating battle that can last for 30-40 minutes. And I don't want it to be a frustrating battle. For one thing, I cannot force him to eat and I shouldn't. I remind myself how I used to hate it when my mom would make me finish my meal. No wonder I have so many food issues now.
My issue is I believe B needs to meet the guidelines of what he should be consuming. The books all say at his age he should be eating at least 28 oz. milk a day. Plus he only eats 4x's a day so I need to cram in as many calories per session as possible. And when he isn't doing what he should be doing, I get worried. And then I think of all the what-ifs. And then I jump to the future. Ohmigod B isn't finishing his bottle....this means he has silent reflux...this means he'll lose a bunch of weight...this means he'll need a feeding tube....this means I could lose him. Yep, that's how my mind works. When in reality, B is happy and giggling and cooing. He's playing and sleeping and sharp as a tack. He's got enough pee and poo diapers to fill his pail daily. See how I'm focusing on everything but what's really happening? And do you see how I think in terms of "should" and "need"? EFT is teaching me to look at things objectively.
Back to the present moment. B is still taking foreverrr to finish his bottles. I had some frustrating moments yesterday, especially after another mom told me he's taking too long to feed and it should only take him 10-15 minutes tops. That annoyed me. And then I got annoyed with him for taking so long. And then I got annoyed with myself for getting annoyed with him because he's only a baby and for crying out loud, he might just not want to eat all his food. Did it ever occur to me that he's more sophisticated than I am in self-regulating his food intake? Do I really want to create a child who will just eat and eat and eat and not know when to stop because he's had enough? I must remind myself that these parenting lessons start now and I can't go on a downward spiral for his sake and mine.
I've read that I should try feeding him in the dark. What am I going to do...drag his high chair into his dark nursery to give him his bottle? Ugh that doesn't sound fun at all. The last thing I want to do is make this whole experience seem like a chore.
So today I vow myself not to get upset if B doesn't finish those last few ounces. To trust him that he knows exactly how much he needs.
My issue is I believe B needs to meet the guidelines of what he should be consuming. The books all say at his age he should be eating at least 28 oz. milk a day. Plus he only eats 4x's a day so I need to cram in as many calories per session as possible. And when he isn't doing what he should be doing, I get worried. And then I think of all the what-ifs. And then I jump to the future. Ohmigod B isn't finishing his bottle....this means he has silent reflux...this means he'll lose a bunch of weight...this means he'll need a feeding tube....this means I could lose him. Yep, that's how my mind works. When in reality, B is happy and giggling and cooing. He's playing and sleeping and sharp as a tack. He's got enough pee and poo diapers to fill his pail daily. See how I'm focusing on everything but what's really happening? And do you see how I think in terms of "should" and "need"? EFT is teaching me to look at things objectively.
Back to the present moment. B is still taking foreverrr to finish his bottles. I had some frustrating moments yesterday, especially after another mom told me he's taking too long to feed and it should only take him 10-15 minutes tops. That annoyed me. And then I got annoyed with him for taking so long. And then I got annoyed with myself for getting annoyed with him because he's only a baby and for crying out loud, he might just not want to eat all his food. Did it ever occur to me that he's more sophisticated than I am in self-regulating his food intake? Do I really want to create a child who will just eat and eat and eat and not know when to stop because he's had enough? I must remind myself that these parenting lessons start now and I can't go on a downward spiral for his sake and mine.
I've read that I should try feeding him in the dark. What am I going to do...drag his high chair into his dark nursery to give him his bottle? Ugh that doesn't sound fun at all. The last thing I want to do is make this whole experience seem like a chore.
So today I vow myself not to get upset if B doesn't finish those last few ounces. To trust him that he knows exactly how much he needs.
My Story
Hi everyone. I'm a first time mama who works from home and my adorable baby boy, B, just turned 6 months old. I knew parenthood would be tough but I never knew how tough it would be. This blog is called The Trusting Mom because I am anything but trusting, and my ultimate goal is to be more relaxed about motherhood. I think in today's society we put way too much pressure on ourselves to get everything right and these lead to very high expectations, which can have a negative effect on our kids. I also find that I drive myself crazy over so many things that I can't just sit back and enjoy this beautiful ride. I know B's life will flash before my eyes, and instead of worrying and focusing on the negative I need to look at the big picture and savor these precious moments.
My lack of trust all began when I miscarried two years ago. Anxiety reached an all-time high when I became pregnant with B, and I just couldn't settle down and enjoy my pregnancy until pretty much the last trimester. I was always worried something bad would happen. I'd freak out if I ate a piece of pasteurized goat cheese because I'd google horror stories about listeria. If I didn't feel B kick at the same time every night, I'd freak out and call my doctor. What was that little white stuff I spotted in the toilet? Was that B coming out of me?? Even my OB told me to stop freaking out.
I had a wonderful labor and delivery but my recovery was extremely painful and difficult. B had a few health scares early on, which only made my already present anxiety skyrocket and for the first three to four months, motherhood was just really really tough for me. Add in sleep deprivation, a low milk supply, and working again on client projects and I became a hot mess. Growth spurts and developmental leaps made things tough because just as I was becoming accustomed to B, he would change on me. That's when I realized I wasn't capable of handling curve balls and isn't parenthood just one giant curveball?? I knew I needed help.
I am currently getting EFT to help with my anxiety, and my EFT lady recommended I write a blog. I'm called a "highly sensitive" person because things just get to me and ruffle my feathers more than they would another person. I know I'm not alone in this and hope this site can provide an outlet for me to share the good, the bad, and the in between of my motherhood adventures :)
My lack of trust all began when I miscarried two years ago. Anxiety reached an all-time high when I became pregnant with B, and I just couldn't settle down and enjoy my pregnancy until pretty much the last trimester. I was always worried something bad would happen. I'd freak out if I ate a piece of pasteurized goat cheese because I'd google horror stories about listeria. If I didn't feel B kick at the same time every night, I'd freak out and call my doctor. What was that little white stuff I spotted in the toilet? Was that B coming out of me?? Even my OB told me to stop freaking out.
I had a wonderful labor and delivery but my recovery was extremely painful and difficult. B had a few health scares early on, which only made my already present anxiety skyrocket and for the first three to four months, motherhood was just really really tough for me. Add in sleep deprivation, a low milk supply, and working again on client projects and I became a hot mess. Growth spurts and developmental leaps made things tough because just as I was becoming accustomed to B, he would change on me. That's when I realized I wasn't capable of handling curve balls and isn't parenthood just one giant curveball?? I knew I needed help.
I am currently getting EFT to help with my anxiety, and my EFT lady recommended I write a blog. I'm called a "highly sensitive" person because things just get to me and ruffle my feathers more than they would another person. I know I'm not alone in this and hope this site can provide an outlet for me to share the good, the bad, and the in between of my motherhood adventures :)
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